What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 22.06.2025 03:23
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I couldn’t, believe it.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
EchoStar Soars 49% As Trump Urges FCC To Settle Dispute - Investor's Business Daily
I waited trembling.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I have no regrets .
Retinal prosthesis woven from tellurium nanowires partially restores vision in blind mice - Phys.org
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
So, i spoilt her more .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Can being annoyed be a sign of getting angry?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
(And it was in our own minds.)
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
What are the consequences of sleeping with a married woman?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
What steps can be taken to track down a scammer and determine their location?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Who then, do I blame.?
Horoscope for Saturday, June 07, 2025 - Chicago Sun-Times
All the time i was locked up.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We all went to grammer schools
Seahawks defenders want to "put the team on our back" - NBC Sports
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
S&P 500 to Soar on Fading Tariffs Impact, Analysts Say - Barron's
My family never makes their pension either.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Can This Blue Chemical Really Boost Your Brain? Here's What We Know. - ScienceAlert
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I write beautiful poetry .
Rare Labubu sells for more than $150,000 at auction - CNN
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Ive learnt so much.
One cannot live in the past .
Put me off passion for life!!
What did i know ?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I don,t even have a pension.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Comes on , in middle age.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I was 9 years of age.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Would this be the day?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She married twice! .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
So whats the point in blame.
She wouldn,t have been !
Especially a lifetime of it.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I could never make a relationship work though!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I said to her
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
This is soul school!.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Im still living with it.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But it wasn’t much.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She loved him until the end.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He knew the spot.
I was very sick at this time too.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He resisted the act ,that day.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She found it foreign!.
But ive been too sick for many years..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She was in good health!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I was seconnd youngest,
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My life is so biszare .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I never cut or harmed myself..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
We were not on the streets..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
As i do to all so called friends.?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And i lived it daily.
When she asked me how she looked .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I think the readers, may guess!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
It was going to be , some day.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I will be 64.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Was to survive, this bastard.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But, we were locked up after school.
I was scared of men, in general
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!